Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
