theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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