fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
