yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Another day, another engagement, another cat
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
