Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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