his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
