why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
