Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
