Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
