ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
