if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
