His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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