Girls should come with a carfax report
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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