Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
