this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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