ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize