Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Are my feet made of real feet?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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