Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
