it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
