I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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