I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just gift wrapped bread.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
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