is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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