the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
