grandma shit on top of the toilet
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
