his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
