I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
