And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
