its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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