Fuck appropriateness.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
