Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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