she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
