I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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