I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
