it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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