Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You pole danced in your parka.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
and you fell through a lawn chair
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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