I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
