I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
