I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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