Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
