Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
