So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I love you.
Bad choice
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
