I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
