Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
