Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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