I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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