we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
