Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
