so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
