Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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