Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
