Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
