I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
