You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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