you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
