I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
