she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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